Part II in a series of articles concerning pastors and mental health

I recently read the story of a young man who spoke of his father, a pastor, who had recently committed suicide. He talked about the pain his father experienced in the ministry as well as intense loneliness.

Numerous studies and research support the point that at least 71% of all pastors report not having a close friend or confidant that they can turn to. Loneliness in the ministry is real no matter the size of the congregation.

I was having this conversation with a good friend who is the pastor of a large Lutheran church. His comment was, “Don’t kid yourself. Pastors can get very lost and lonely in a large church also.”

Though suicide is not an inevitable outcome, I am through the Pastor’s Project learning of a number of pastors experiencing loneliness at a very high level. I hurt for these pastors and hope they will reach out to the “Connections”, peer to peer mentoring program of the Pastor’s Project.

Here are nine observations that I believe can be a starting point for a healthy discussion on this important matter.

THREE CAUSES

The three most common causes of loneliness shared by the pastor are insightful on this important matter:

Church members do not want to get close to a pastor. Actually, this one works both ways. The pastor is seen as the spiritual leader of the church. For many, it’s hard to get close to someone who holds a perceived lofty position.

The pastor is accustomed to giving than receiving. In healthy relationships, both parties give and sacrifice. The pastor is accustomed to giving and ministering. Sometimes it’s hard to be on the receiving end.

The pastor is in a defensive mode. Many pastors have been burned and hurt by church members. As a consequence they are always “on guard”, rarely able to lower their defensive shields.

THREE DANGERS

Here are the three most common negative consequences of loneliness straight from the mouths of pastors;

Burnout. Healthy relationships energize people. Loneliness depletes people of energy. The lonely pastor is more likely to experience burnout than those pastors who have developed mutually healthy relationships.

Moral Failure. Unfortunately some pastors seek to fill the voids created by loneliness by entering into inappropriate relationships. Ministries are destroyed and families are torn apart.

Depression. Some level of depression in evitable with the lonely pastor. Some of it can be very serious.