Don’t just get the content right. Consider how it might feel to the hurting pastors who need your help the most. Small church pastors want to hear and use the best ideas, advice, wisdom and counsel we can find.

Unfortunately, many rural and small church pastors have stopped looking and asking for help.

It’s not because they don’t need the help. It’s that they’ve grown weary of hearing advice that’s offered with the best intentions, but is more hurtful than helpful. If you’re in a position to speak, write or counsel small or rural church pastors, here are 5 things small church pastors regularly hear that you should consider.

1. “Here’s What You’re Doing Wrong”. These kind of statements are everywhere. Most of the writers and speakers come from a good place. But such lists are often based on two faulty assumptions. First, that a small church must be doing something wrong simply because they’re not growing numerically. Second, the speaker knows the church’s situation well enough to know what’s wrong with it.

Here’s an email from a small church pastor that will give you an idea what those lists can feel like after a while. “I’ve felt so low recently pastoring a small local church for many years. Most of the signs of a healthy church are there, but no breakthroughs. Today I thought I’d look again at ‘reasons your church is not growing’ all the usual stuff of it been the pastor’s fault (no passion, no vision, etc., etc.) felt like a huge smack in the face…”

When you write or speak, don’t just get the content right. Consider how it might feel to the hurting pastors who need help the most.

2. “If your church does what my church did you’ll get the results my church got.” While many church health and growth principles are universal, the results are not inevitable. Pastoring a small or rural church isn’t like losing weight or getting out of debt. There’s more to it than the math of calories burned and money saved.

Pastoring a small/rural church of any size involves juggling the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, pastoral gifting, divine call, and so much more. And the smaller the church, the more non-numerical aspects come into play. No two churches are alike. Your results won’t be the other guy’s results.

3. “Act like a big church and you’ll become a big church” So many churches have fallen into ruin by following this faulty logic. From overbuilding, to overstaffing, to ignoring real people while chasing elusive numbers.

So don’t help these folks pastor a church of 50 like it’s 500. Help them pastor a church of 50 really well-including how to get ready for 100.

4. “All healthy things grow.” Yes, they do. But not all growth is numerical. But that’s almost always the assumption. When someone tells a small church pastor “all healthy things grow,” what they hear is “your church must not be healthy.”

Hearing “all healthy things grow” what a church isn’t growing makes pastors feels like the patient in the old-and really bad-joke about the guy whose doctor tells him he’s dying. Then when he asks for a second opinion the doctor tells him, “okay you’re ugly too.”

When people may have intended as a friendly reminder can fell like knives in the back to the receiver.

5. “You need to try harder, work smarter, pray more, dream bigger, teach better…” No matter how big, small or fast-growing a church is, we can always do ministry smarter and better.

That’s why were Goggling phrases like “why isn’t my church growing?” It’s not because we care so much that it hurts when all that work, caring, passion, and prayer doesn’t have the results we’ve been told we should be having. Don’t tell pastors to run faster in the wheel. Help them get off the wheel, get healthy and get joy back again.